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Time don't fly.
I have no fun,
And all my zeal
For life is none.
If I just had
Self-esteem
Maybe I
Could reach my dream.
I lose my sleep.
I lose my mind.
I'm losing the way
To be kind.
Bitterness
Is boiling over.
Someone burned
My four-leaf clover.
It's all around.
It's in the air.
It's hatred, sadness,
And despair.
I almost lost
Myself today.
It's my own fault,
Can't find my way.
I missed my chance.
I'm pretty much screwed.
8th grade's over.
I'm in a bad mood.
I thought too long
And that was wrong.
Now I'm anything
But strong.
Now life has no purpose
Except high hopes.
Barely keeping me
Away from the ropes.
I do need help.
I need it bad.
No one cares.
I'll just be sad.
I'll cry all day.
I'll cry all week.
Not strong enough
For help to seek.
King of hopelessness,
That's about right.
I'll lie and think
Of her all night.
I don't understand
What the wrong thing could be.
My mind's just lost.
It can't be free.
Through all the many
Cobwebs, thick,
I see nothing,
Maybe I'm sick.
I was still sad about what happened with this girl I liked. I wasn't the type to give up, so even though she told me she had a boyfriend, I asked if we could be friends. Obviously swayed by my ridiculous amount of flowers, she said for me to call her "any time" I wanted. After that, I called her weekly. The mention of self-esteem was because I thought maybe things would go better if I could project more confidence when I talked to her on the phone. The part about 8th grade being over was because I also thought that I made a mistake by waiting as long as I did to let her know I liked her. So I was pretty bummed, but I had the high hopes mentioned in the poem because I hoped maybe she would still date me if she broke up with her boyfriend. The name of the poem is basically saying that I preferred to be sad than give up pursuing this girl. I wrote this in 1997.
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